I am sick and tired of living with autoimmune disease and chronic pain. It has sucked the life out of me and stolen my joy.
That is how I wake up every single day… with my first thought being, “How am I going to survive today?” And believe me when I tell you it is so easy to get caught up in that mindset and not know how to get through moment to moment. I can be feeling pretty physically energized immediately following a [very modified] workout. I feel mentally and spiritually revived after I’ve read my Bible study and meditated on His word. But what comes next is always a guessing game.
But here’s the one thing I know:
With my disease, there is always that wall that I hit that leaves me feeling zapped. It may be from fatigue or from pain, but it’s there every. single. day.
It is sooooooo hard to think positively. I don’t really want to be grateful. But when I think about what my life would look like if I didn’t work on my mental outlook, I cringe. I mean really… what good does it do to sit in the mud and mire of this disease? Will I let the fact that my body is fighting against me win today’s war?
The simple answer is NO.
No I will not let it win because it’s already taken so much away already. I may be physically limited but this disease will never steal my joy. It will never steal my faith. And it will never turn my eyes from God.
And as I sit at my desk, writing this post, I’m reminded of why I am energized by God’s word: because it brings in His truth when nothing else makes sense. I believe Him when He says that He works all things out for His good (Romans 8:28). I have faith in knowing that even in my most weakest of days, His power prevails over all (Proverbs 19:21). And I also know that if Jesus suffered and died for me, what makes me think I am above it? “Yes, I am glad to be weak or insulted or mistreated or to have troubles and sufferings, if it is for Christ. Because when I am weak, I am strong.” 2Corinthians 12:10
I don’t know what you are facing today.
I don’t know how deep your pain goes or how much you feel like giving up. What I do know is this: the only way to win today is by doing it moment by moment. Pray throughout the day. Praise God for those moments that go right and don’t dwell on the moments that don’t.
Learn from those good moments and experiment with building on them. What can you try to amp them up? Above all the disappointment, how can you squeeze out every last drop of goodness and really savor the moment? Practice gratitude 5 times as much as you practice whining. Even more, know that He’s in total control.